You're getting older. Every single day presents another trial, and you're getting older. You can see it in your face, on your body. The cumulative force of gravity and entropy. A steady, unstoppable loosening. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, everyone around you is getting younger. Insult to injury. One of God's little jokes. You would find it funny if it was happening to anyone else. It was funny when it happened to everyone else. Now it's depressing.

Your coworker says to you one day over lunch:

"School goes for so long. It's literally the longest thing in the world. Then it's over and BAM! you're 25" she snaps her fingers for effect.

You feel like a racehorse who has broken its leg. You feel like a blackened match. Lorde was right when she said it feels so scary getting old.

You find yourself surrounded, at all times, by a confluence of contradicting opinions. You pick them apart from each other, and examine them one by one, holding them up to the light and inspecting each one like some deranged jeweller.

You feel like an obsessive watchmaker, only instead of a watch it's a shrine to your own personhood. You sexy Scorpio. You empty container. You stickle brick assemblage of experience and grey matter.

You position yourself in opposition to others. You position yourself in opposition to yourself. You position yourself in opposition to yourself through the perspective of others that you imagine from the perspective of yourself.

You step naked into a hall of mirrors. You film yourself from all angles at once. Lights, camera, action baby! The great thing about the future is that everything can be your diary. And probably already is!

There are literally not enough hours in the day to have good mental health! Hello! It's impossible!

Count it out – you gotta get out of bed, you need to eat at least once. You need to reach the bare minimum standard of personal hygeine to interact with other poeple. You need to nurture your social relationships. You need to secure enough money to survive... let's not even get into that one!

Then on top of all that, you're supposed to use your 'free time' to perform 'activities' that contribute to your 'personal enrichment', 'relaxation', or facilitate your ability to 'unwind' as if you are a length of yarn on a spool, and not a human being with legitimate and unresolved plummeting fear about the world around you and the people who inhabit that world.

It's not happening sis!

Earlier in this document it was stated that "you need to secure enough money to survive" followed by the ascertation that a hypothetical collective body would be advised to "not even get into that one!".

Upon review of the previous statement by certain interested third parties, a consensus has been reached that it may, in fact, be prudent to facilitating a deeper understanding of the hypothetical shared experince which a hypothetical collective body may or may not inhabit if the afromentioned "secur[ing of] enough money to survive" is elaborated upon in further detail.

It's all a bit silly isn't it? Like it's all a bit fucking stupid when you sit down and think about it.

Like, when you sit down, and take those deep breaths,and you count back from 10 or whatever, and let it all was over you, and will the panic down to a dull hum, like, you gotta admit....

It's all just a bit fucking silly.